All the stuff you read here on my blog is my stuff, not yours, and therefore copywrited by me, Christine Waldman. If you even think about plagerizing, copying, or whispering in someone's ear, you'll be sorry because my brother is a black belt in karate.

Friday, October 19, 2012

The Horoscope Project

Day 5: Directing Debut

You are always the one to be directing. Well, duh!! As the mother of three, I have no choice but to direct. Not that I mind so much because as I mentioned before, I was born bossy. I was destined to be a mom, or a dictator. Considering that I don’t live in a third world country, I think I made the wise career choice.

But my directing doesn’t stop at motherhood; it also seeps into my work life. I am a crossing guard, something that I take profound joy in. As a crossing guard, I am given a uniform, with props; a swanky florescent vest and a stop sign. How many of you can claim to have such great accoutrements at your job? My vest and sign announce to the world, at least the part of the world that drives along Nutt road, that I am in charge. I am directing children when it is safe to cross the road, and ordering cars to wait until the signal is given- the lowering of the stop sign and me hurrying out of the way before someone runs me over.

In my other part-time job, that of a greeting card goddess, I instruct the befuddled masses as to how to find just the right card for their special occasion. I intervene when they are foolishly looking in the anniversary section for a child’s birthday card; I take command as the little old ladies wander into the rude humorous card section and set them on the right path. But most importantly, I always direct the customers to where the .99 cent cards are because I don’t make a commission. I refuse to try to push an expensive musical card that costs more than what I make an hour.

As far as massage is concerned, I direct my clients to get on the table, turn over, and stop sitting at their computers for eight hours a day. This causes their shoulders to be the consistency of concrete which makes my job more difficult.

Yes, I was born to direct and have mastered it better than Scorsese or Spielberg; without any of the money or fame.

copyright 2012 cwaldman

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